Hindi Bagay Ang Humble Sa Iyo

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...who's the fairest of them all?

Ever since I was told of the tale of Snow White, I've known that beauty - and maintaining it - has been one of the forces that drives humanity. It's not deep - I find it extremely shallow, truth be told, it's an insult to our intellect, and it drives me crazy that people clearly not qualified for jobs are promoted on that basis alone, but beauty lends itself to sexual attraction, and that is as primal an impulse as one can get.

This won't make the Facebook album.

(Courtesy of toycutter.com)

Besides, I would be lying if I said I have never been stunned by physical perfection in my entire life, and that is why I understand how some people use this to their advantage.

I get it.

What I don't get is the false humility angle.

What's that, you might ask?

It's when certain people know they're attractive - perfect skin, a body that can cause Pavlovian salivation, a face that would make angels weep - and they purposely say the opposite of what they are in describing themselves. (First off, if you have to describe your physical features publicly, then you've lost the humility test right then and there.)

When a girl has salon commercial worthy hair and goes "I hate my dull, lifeless, limp locks! Pangit kaya ng buhok ko!"

When a man who constantly undresses himself in the locker room owing to a perfect physique would loudly exclaim "I look only half as good as I did last year!"

Social media has just upped this phenomenon tremendously: You have people with albums in their accounts titled "Me, Myself and I", all filled with pictures of themselves in what you know would be visually their "best pose" - e.g. a shorter person would insist on shots from the ground. And if you make the mistake of ever complimenting them on how pretty or how fresh they look, you would hear a variation of the same response:

"Naku, haggard pa ako sa lagay na yan, hahaha!"

"Thanks, but that was just a candid moment, di naman yan posed."

"I was debating with myself nga if I was going to post this, thanks sa validation, ha."

And there's the best answer in this category: "Ang pangit ko dito kaya!"

Stop the false humility. Please lang.

Just go with it. You are shallow, you think your self worth is tied to your looks, you have low self esteem and that is why you need others to validate your beauty.

You have an entire album waiting for people's comments to prove it.

Just don't go to a place where you have to extol how hideous you are.

Whether your beauty is natural or something you had to work for (or pay for), celebrate it for what it's worth, but for the love of everything decent, don't play the self deprecating card.

I had a personal run-in with this phenomenon, almost 15 years ago. 

This woman, who can make Heidi Klum weep with her body, tried the very schtick that I have just described. She had just come back from the USA, and after she came from the gym, she went off to look for us (we were in a cafe). No one really blinked when she showed up in a bra top when she met us because (1) that's what she usually wore in the gym and (2) if I have to list people who "deserve" to be paraded in public for their perfect bodies like some slave trade, she would be in that list, no doubt.

Before we are can even say hi to her, she exclaims, "Ang taba taba ko na! Grabe!" (Now that I think of it, she was saying it a little too loudly for everyone in the cafe to hear.)

Silence as we process this false revelation.

Bitch A (for reference, almost all my friends are of this variety) then says, "Really? Eh, bakit ka lumalabas sa public na naka bra lang?"

She replies, "babalik pa naman ako sa gym, no, just saying hi!"

Bitch B then goes, "Aber, nasaan yang katabaan mo na sinasabi mo?"

She starts pinching her taut skin all over, vainly trying to find a skinfold to signify her "fatness". "Eto, oh, eto pa, to pa, to pa...siguro I gained 10 pounds sa pagpunta ko sa States!"

I give her a once-over - she refused to sit down at the cafe, she must really be hiding her obesity - and I said: "Oo nga, pero di lang 10 pounds, you gained more like 30 pounds."

Her bubbly smile all but vanished, and she shot back, "Sobra ka naman! Mga 2 pounds lang na-gain ko, over!"

That shut her false humility up.

So, the next time someone tries to pull the same thing on you, go right along to the extreme position: "Yes, you are so hideous that you're lucky you weren't put up for adoption!"

And just like that, we're all equals again.

For A Brother's Love

Dying for brotherhood.

(Courtesy of newsinfo.inquirer.net)

Senseless.

That's how I would describe the death of Marc Andre Marcos.

Seeing his lifeless body on the television news, I tried not to wince when the camera focused on the blackish red hues on his arms and legs, indicating that these were the areas so lovingly beaten by his supposed "brothers", so that they could be given proof that he would be...I don't know, is loyal the right word?

There are no right words to justify a horrible and grievous wrong, perpetrated in the name of a mockery of sibling affection.

Having never been part of a fraternity, I am not at all misty-eyed about how "outsiders" will never understand how deep their bonds supposedly are, and how they are there for each other, through the direst of situations.

I can't think of a situation more desperately dire than the death of someone you wished to initiate into this brotherhood you so romantically sing paeans about when there are "others" around, a death caused by those within this organization professing an embracing and welcoming of new recruits. (This would be the type of welcome I would expect from an S and M Club, and I understand that even they have "rules", like control words that can be utilized when the masochist has "had enough".)

What does a fraternity offer, by way of advantages, that pushes men who are about to enter their productive years into salivating for places in these hallowed "houses"?

In my college years, there were two standout reasons that I have heard, having been surrounded by fraternities in UP, and the wannabes who so desperately wanted to be "included".

One, when you get into a brawl, your "brothers" will come to your aid.

Two, your job security is, well, secured, because the "upper classmen" (older fraternity brothers, those already entrenched in government, big business and other industries) will give you sterling recommendations, open career doors and even outright hire you and groom you for a successful financial future.

None of those reasons sound very appealing to me, and to my mind, to anyone who is not enamored with the words "heritage" or "tradition" when you can be killed as part of the initiation rites.

For the first reason:

Why get in a brawl in the first place?

The usual fights I have witnessed when I was in school were among opposing fraternities, and none of these "brothers" are pretty much willing to discuss the root of their fights, except to say that the other fraternity "started it first".

Do we even need a reason to say that this really isn't a good justification for upholding fraternities?

For the second reason:

I don't see how this differs from people that we accuse of being corrupt, or of practicing nepotism.

See, my parents brought us up in a meritocracy: that everything we would seek as a reward should have a corresponding "work" behind it. Whenever we would get perfect grades or do our chores, my mom would give us a list of "prizes" and to choose only one from it. You can call it cruel Pavlovian training, you can ask "didn't you feel like you were being strung along?"...but it definitely reinforced the fact that if you wanted the good stuff, there'd better be some sweat under your brow or some serious study time, soemtimes lasting well into the night.

And I have carried that belief into my own professional life now. I am extremely averse to people who schmooze their way into positions, who get a job because they happened to be a relative, who don't bother working their way up and instead, expect to be given privileges on the basis of some "feature" that  didn't require them to do anything other than mention, "oh, by the way, did I mention that I..."

Giving privileges to younger people who just happened to be from the same fraternity doesn't make them try harder, do better, go further. It only inculcates a smug sense of superiority for someone just joining the workforce, probably looking at his co-applicants with pity, all along mentally congratulating himself that he already has the job in the bag, owing to the bonds of brotherhood.

Is this how they infuse new blood into The Old Boys' Club?

Can anyone give me a good reason why fraternities should be patronized, defended, and possibly even celebrated?

If it's because of their charity works, you can do that without joining one.

If it's to have camaraderie and friendship, and to be accepted into a secret circle to feel validated, that may point to a flaw in self esteem.

Andre, like so many fatal hazing victims, who have given their lives so willingly, all to be part of this society, is calling out to all of us.

The question is, how do we respond to Andre's senseless death?

Do we just wink, say "that's what it means to be in a fraternity" and look away?

Or do we make sense of his death by doing what's right?