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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Your Life As Approved By Ads

Carbs are evil, so take CarbTrim.

Fat is disgusting, buy Xenical.

Fat is abhorrent, run to Belo Clinics for liposuction. Or the new "non invasive techniques".

Nothing worse than dark skin, so take whitening pills. Who cares if they mess you up internally? It's what's outside that counts. Glutathione is here to save the darkening day.

Take that whitening soap as well. You should be ashamed of dark skin. Yuck.

But don't get too fair, or you'll wash out. Here, apply this tanning lotion.

And while you're at it, why aren't you in the gym? Everyone should look alike, and no one should deviate from the models, who accurately represent reality for 100% of the population.

(Photo courtesy of

You shouldn't have love handles, they're a sign of decay.

Anyone without a six pack should be ashamed of themselves.

Speaking of which, here's a six-pack of San Miguel. We have a premium line now, in case you didn't know.

And to go with your drink, here are some cigarettes. It ain't a set without them.

Don't worry, you can run in a marathon sponsored by a network, an organization or a pharmaceutical company, to work off any toxins you may have ingested as a result of drinking and smoking.

Pony up the 1000 pesos as your entrance fee to run. Sure, you can run for free in the park, but you won't have a singlet.

Besides, that park also has a weekend market, where lamb chops and chicken cordon bleu are served alongside "fresh" produce. Wouldn't want to be tempted.

Adidas now has new gear for your next run. Which will be updated by the end of the month. And next door, Nike is also gunning for your wallet, with funkier styles.

How can you forget your music player? Ipods only need apply. Anything else is a come-from-behind-wannabe.

Complete the entire Apple collection, or you're "uncool".

And refresh yourself with the latest Milk Tea in the market - those models got their bodies by drinking tons of the milk tea they're pushing, can't you tell?

If you want "real" milk tea, you can fly to China or Taiwan at 11 pesos a flight! Budget airlines are here to whisk you at midnight to have the trip you always wanted. Even PAL is offering their version of "discount fares".

So why not charge the whole trip to your credit card? Points, miles, gifts, sandals, just lay it on the card. Nothing says "shame" more potently than not having a piece of plastic. Whoever told you that cards are "utang" (debt) is a lying, disapproved rumor-starter.

Insurance has no use, don't bother getting it. But if it's for free, why not? After all, everything in life is free, like that song goes, right?

Who cares? As long as you have a pair of shoes that cost 43,000 pesos.

If you don't follow these rules, you won't be fulfilled, and your life will be worth nothing.

1 comment:

  1. I like the insurance thing......sign of paranoia & the arrogance of a man trying to beat uncertainties which in fact inevitable....:-)


    i-lean :-)