A Quick Note About Respect

You have to earn it.

(Courtesy of awrightworld.tumblr.com)

I chanced upon a former colleague (on the street, she didn't see me) who reminded me of an incident that reaffirmed my stance about this.

Back then, she was insisting that because of his position, a manager who made a false report about me and refused to face me in a meeting meant to resolve our differences was worthy of respect by virtue of his position.

"I'm sorry, I don't see how I can respect a liar and a backstabber who doesn't even have the balls to own up to his own statements made behind my back."

"But, Joey, he is the operations manager. Don't you think he deserves respect, at least?"

"What do I respect? Honesty. Integrity. Decency. Humility. He embodies none of those, in fact, he is despicably the very opposite of every one of those qualities. 

He was remiss in his duties of handling the studio sound system, he was nowhere to be found to fix it, and when I did find him, he was popping a zit facing a mirror, and when I asked him to attend to the matter, he looked at me as if I had just barged in while he was concocting the latest cure for ovarian cancer.

He even had the temerity to file a false report, claiming I had interrupted a meeting he was conducting when I insisted he do his job. And he can't even face me right now as we are all trying to get to the bottom of this, why we have different sides of the incident...and you think I should respect that?"

"Basta for me, we should respect him as the manager."

"I guess that shows the difference in values that we were raised in."

You want respect, you give respect first. Show people - especially subordinates - that your ego is not so fragile that you take offense if someone doesn't call you "Sir." Demonstrate empathy and people will naturally extend the same courtesy to you. You do not get to "demand" respect if you resort to outright lying just to make people side with you.

The thing is, if you were worthy of respect, you don't have to demand it in the first place.