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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Last Word

Yak it up.
(Courtesy of

1. Conversation between conservative school adminstrator and "shopping" parent.

"We have the best facilities here, the best faculty, and we teach compassion to our students."
"How do you achieve the last item?"
"We have an outreach program to immerse students in squatter areas."
"And then?"
"For two hours they get to see how the other side lives. Then we share our collected goods."
"And this is a signature program you have here?"
"Yes! It's very successful. Students leave feeling grateful for having so much."
"Can I suggest something that would add to the program?"
"If you enroll your child with us, we would love to hear your suggestions."
"Maybe you could teach the students why there is such economic disparity in our country. How laws, businesses, politicians, religions, media and many other factors are conspiring to make it difficult for the ones in the lower rungs of our socio-economic stations to rise above their status."


2. Conversation between homophobe and nonchalant young person, circa 2012.

"Homosexuality is an abomination! It is clearly unnatural!"
"Male and female! Made for each other! It's in nature! It's natural for males to look for females!
"And by nature, you mean...?"
"How you were born, made, come into this world! Nature!"
"There are thousands of species on earth where homosexuality has been recorded as being natural."
"Anything else?"
"So just because some animals do it, these gay freaks have to imitate it? Are they that dumb?"
"Are you straight?"
"Of course! How could you even ask me that!"
"Did you learn your heterosexuality from animals, too?"


3. Conversation between advocates of natural and modern family planning methods.

"Natural family planning methods are better! They are "open to life"!
"What do you mean by that phrase?"
"Even if NFP is practiced, there is a possibility of impregnation!"
"But isn't the end goal of NFP contraception?"
"You engage in NFP to not be pregnant, right?"
"So...whether by natural or modern methods, contraception is contraception."
"Anything else to add?"
"You are offending my religious beliefs!"
"I don't share your beliefs, and we are not in your place of worship. This is a public forum."
"Anything more?"
"You will burn in a fiery place!"
"I thought you wanted a religion-free discussion."


4. Conversation between politician and voter.

"Vote for my spouse, my work will continue!"
"Isn't that the beginning of a dynasty?"
"There's no enabling law!"
"It's in the Constitution."
"It's not illegal."
"Aren't you a lawmaker?"
"So why didn't you make one?"


5. Conversation between parent and child.

"I need the new tablet."
"But everyone has it."
"Look, I'll only use it for important stuff."
"I just want to hook up with my friends."
"Then you're grounded for two months!"

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