That Nefarious RH Bill

Dear Faithful,

We write this message to you on the wings of eternal goodwill. We fervently hope that this finds you well, for the contents of this communication is anything but.

Now is the time when all that we have predicted is coming to pass...Attend now!

Yes, it also caused your baby to bawl.

(Courtesy of drmomma.org)

Yes, we are referring to that nefarious Reproductive Health (RH) Bill!

It must be stopped! It is evil, and it is the handiwork of unearthly creatures! An unprintable document of abominable proportions, it is! Even now, its' influence and reach has found a new nesting place - do not laugh, it is not yet law yet it already has this effect, how dare you think this is a matter of levity! - it has come to roost...in Monsignor Trisngobal Narnia. (MTN - My True Nature)

Have you noticed the timing of that article in International Geographical (IG)? It imputed the good monsignor as someone who advocates the use of "a certain substance" to make religious images! How dare they imply malice on our part! We cannot help it because (1) we didn't kill the animals in the process of collecting "a certain substance", at least not firsthand! (2) we only get quality products, for worship purposes!... and (3) we will show you a way to get "a certain substance" for yourself.

We had nothing but good intentions, and a willingness to be open, but IG paints us in so devious a manner, they have deceived us! We are soiled in the eyes of believers!

A sex case? Nonsense! There is no recording, just the whiny accounts of some imaginative and overactive bell boys! Why, they were the ones who "seduced" MTN! Besides, if it was not meant to happen, it wouldn't have happened! All is predestined! All is well!

Do you now see? The RH Bill is responsible for maligning our good name! Who will you believe...IG? The press? The government? All of them are foreign powers! They seek to destroy our national identity! They seek to inject us with...with...foreign ideas, from foreign sources of foreign lands! We must protect ourselves!...Yes, our faith is also foreign, but it is the harbinger of truth, so it is exempted from this tirade!

What? You dare to doubt how the RH Bill is doing this?

Because we said so! Kneel before us! We are the molders of your morality, we would never lie to you! We would never use an unrelated subject to distract you from what's really happening...of course not! We represent the light, the truth, and all that is good! Yes, the RH Bill is responsible for making you think that MTN has any responsibility for the things he is charged with, and the very reason why we are investigating him! It is nothing but RH propaganda!

If it is not stopped, the RH bill will bring to life your worst nightmares! Thunderstorms, why you slipped on your bathroom floor, the prices of bus fares, an accident on the highway involving 10 cars, world wars...these and so many more are the evil deeds of one thing alone: the RH Bill!

Blame it on the RH Bill!

Stand strong, oh, faithful one!

Rejoice for you now know why you have nothing to eat - yes, it is the RH Bill's fault! - and possession of this truth and knowledge will warm your insides with the force of ten hotel buffets!

We fight, we struggle against it, and we will win!

We will overcome the RH Bill and its notorious effects!

We cannot do it without you, for you are our soldiers, and we fight for righteousness!

Until we see each other again,

Your Moral Leaders.
Unquestionable,
Unassailable, and
Easily Offended.


--------------------


Disclaimer: None of the people, events, places and anything else in the above post is meant to refer to anyone or anything in real life, and any similarities with real people, places, events, etc., are merely coincidental and not intentional.

In other, real news: http://globalnation.inquirer.net/51554/bishops-ivory-sex-abuse-controversies-related-to-rh-bill

My Cab Ride With "Selda"

The prospect of taking a cab always makes me wonder if the universe has a target on my back: I always manage to get cab drivers who either play the music too loud, are enamored with what passes as voices of the AM radio commentators, do not know where Ayala Avenue is (when they picked me up in Makati) or something else. There's always something else.

A sign that I'm not too keen of, sometimes.

(Courtesy of actlikeaman.org)

Today was no different.

For today's special, I was treated to a show called "Don't Change That Dial!": the cab driver was listening intently to an ongoing radio advice program, the type where people could send letters and the DJ gives out advice in between playing "related" songs, meaning related to the problem stated by the letter sender.

He was so grossly invested in it that he had to ask me where EDSA was.

As the radio was at full volume (and apparently it sucked out the car's capability to cool the interiors, rendering my taking a cab quite useless in the comfort department) I really had no choice but to tune in to the said program as well.

30 minutes I can't return.

"Selda" describes herself as a prim and proper lady with conservative values, a "dalagang Pilipina" (maiden of the Philippines) if I remember the term correctly, who was about to get hitched to a guy named "Roberto". "Roberto", it turns out, is from the greener side of the fence.

As is "tradition", "Selda's" girlfriends (and one gay guy) throw her a bridal shower, of the naughty variety. They scour a box big enough to cover an entire person, bring the actual gift with a macho dancer inside to her very doorstep and rings her doorbell. She answers and is taken with the largeness of the box, wondering "ano ba naman tong regalo nyo, pwedeng kumasya ang tao sa laki ng kahon". (what's with this gift, a person could fit into this box) Apparently, "Selda" doesn't believe in the literary technique of foreshadowing and decides to spell it out for the deaf listeners of the radio show she is writing to.

Out comes the macho dancer, and immediately he is asked to strip his underwear by everyone but "Selda". As a self described "conservative", she takes great pains to describe how she turns away from the, uhm, spectacle dangling in front of her, with the gay guy commenting "ano ka ba naman, Selda, di ka naman nya igagahasa, tignan mo lang" (what's the matter, "Selda", it's not like he will rape you, just look at it). Expectedly, "Selda" throws a fit, storms out of her own house and refuses to enter until the macho dancer has left.

In case I didn't mention it earlier, the radio program provides a "dramatization" with voice actors, and I was tempted to ask the cab driver "this is comedy, right?" but had to stop myself when I saw how lined his forehead was digesting both the reading of the letter and the acting out by radio. I thought it best not to say anything disparaging until I got out of the cab.

"Selda" then talks to the audience. "Mayroon pa ring mga konserbatibong mga Pilipina, noh. Hindi lahat ay liberated. Ni hindi ko pa nga nakikita ang hubad na katawan ng lalaki. Pero...kung ano man ang nasilip ko sa macho dancer, nagustuhan ko ang nakita ko. Matipuno sya, maganda ang katawan, machong macho. Sino ba naman ang babaeng hindi magugustuhan ang mga katangian na yun sa isang lalaki? Pero dahil konserbatibo ako, kaya ako umalis sa party." (There are still conservative Filipinas. Not all are liberated. I haven't even seen a naked man. But...from what little I did see of the macho dancer, I liked. Well built, nice body, very manly. What woman wouldn't find those qualities attractive? But because I was conservative, I left the party.)

I had to restrain myself from breaking out in laughter, lest the cab driver murder me from where I was seated.

The letter fast forwards to when "Selda" is late in meeting her still-boyfriend "Roberto".  They are talking on the phone, and she promises him that she is doing all she can to meet at the appointed place and time, while he keeps muttering sweet-nothings and asking her to take care of herself.

As soon as she finishes the conversation, the macho dancer materializes in front of her, fully clothed. I guess she also likes his face since she recognizes him right away. They get into small talk, trying to get past the inital embarrassment of how they met. She asks "ano nga ba pangalan mo?" (what's your name, again?) and he says "Alejandro", she remarks "maganda ang pangalan mo, lalaking lalaki, pag nagka-anak ako, gusto ko Alejandro din ang pangalan pag lalaki." (you have a nice name, very manly, when I have a child, I would name him Alejandro if it's a boy.)

This is something you mention on your first "meeting"? Oh, that's right. This isn't.

"Alejandro" asks why she left, and she tells him that she isn't used to "those" kinds of bridal showers. To which he replies, "buti naman, may mga natitirang mga konserbatibong babae pa pala sa mundong ito, kasi sa linya ng trabaho ko, syempre iisa lang ang gusto nilang makita." (that's good, there are still conservative women left in this world, because in my line of work, they only want one thing)

More restraint on my part.

"Alejandro" asks who was she on the phone with, and she tells him it's her boyfriend, who she is late in meeting with. She then segues into "by the way, ano nga pala ang number mo? Para pwede tayo magtext text minsan." (what's your number? So we can communicate by text messaging) He readily gives it to her and as they part ways, they shake hands and he asks, "Friends?" and she replies "oo naman, (of course) friends!"

The background music cues in, and how could anybody be surprised that the DJ decides to play an old song with the lyrics, "torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool....(something, something) breaking all the rules..." "Selda" continues her narration, expounding on how "Alejandro" now calls and text messages her, even writing to each other on Facebook, which progressed into movie watching and dates, "pero walang malisya ha!" (with no malice) which stuns the cab driver because she then poses her dilemna to the DJ and the audience:

"Bakit ganun, eh platonic lang naman kami ni Alejandro? Naguguluhan ako. Mahal ko si Roberto, pero napamahal narin sa akin si Alejandro. Siguro dahil, nung lalo ko siyang nakilala, nalaman ko na pareho kami, galing kami sa mahihirap na pamilya, kumakayod at gusto ng magandang kinabukasan. Hindi tulad ni Roberto, galing sa maykayang pamilya. By the way, may polio pala si Roberto." (Why is it like that, when I have a platonic relationship with Alejandro? I'm confused. I love Roberto, but I've also fallen for Alejandro. Maybe because, when I got to know him more, I learned we are the same, from financially disadvantaged families, working hard, wanting a better future. Unlike Roberto, from a well-off family. By the way, Roberto is polio-stricken.)

Thankfully, my stop came up, before I lost any more of my sanity from hearing "Selda" justify her longing for "Alejandro" all the while brandishing her conservative badge and waving it repeatedly for all to see. Or, in this case, hear.

Calling ABS-CBN and GMA: you may have a hit scriptwriter here for your next telenovela. And "Selda", all I'm asking for is 5% of your gross, as your "discovering" agent.

I'm conservative that way.

The Blessing Of Angelica Jones

The bad weather forced me to stay home, which in turn gave me the chance to see bad TV, some of it, the good kind. (Get it?)

Enter Angelica Jones, erstwhile local actress and board member of some province.

Never a dull moment, for sure.

(Courtesy of listal.com)

I saw her years ago, and two things struck me off the bat: (1) why is she so TH (trying hard) to affect an American slang when she could speak freely in the vernacular and (2) is she on something? The phrase "train of thought" doesn't seem to register with her, she flits from one topic to another and really ends up making no sense whatsoever.

Which makes me erupt in a fit of giggles.

After her interview just now in a showbiz show (hosted by Lolit Solis and Joey de Leon), those same things still struck me, but with a third question: will her child be needing therapy?

Lolit Solis only had one question: bakit nauna ang pagbubuntis kaysa sa pagpapakasal? (Why did your pregnancy take place before the marriage?)

Angelica begins her response. It is so drawn out that it was the only question that was asked of her.

She begins by mentioning the father of her child, a doctor also in the province.

She then regales viewers with their plans for marriage.

She recounts how she has myoma, and how painful it is that she couldn't sleep some nights.

She threw in her position as part of some league of young legislators or public officials.

She also ate some fruit courtesy of Mike Velarde, as treatment for her myoma.

She went to many churches.

She then goes back to her wedding plans, scheduled for January 2013.

She makes a grim face, and proceeds to recount how she and the doctor haven't been together since Marsh. Yes, that is how she pronounces March.

She blames the "others" who do not want to see them happy as a couple, then also says that the doctor is not used to her celebrity stature so the "pressure" and "media" might have scared him off.

And when Lolit sarcastically remarks that after all of these (the long winded tale of her life thus far) that didn't really answer the question, she was still able to become pregnant, Angelica then uses the blanket statement:

It's a blessing.

The hosts were forced to cut her off because of the time she consumed, and while Lolit was loudly saying, "Bye! Bye!", you could hear Angelica trying to talk over Lolit (no small feat for anyone who knows the voice of Lolit Solis), thanking constituents from various places.

And my fit of giggles continues.

Salamat, Angelica, for the good bad TV I had the fortune of witnessing this damp, dreary, flood filled day.

Should Miriam Become Chief Justice

Let's share her with the world.

(Courtesy of filamnation.com)

(1) All Supreme Court proceedings will be televised.

How else will Miriam be able to parade her particular, er, accent? And the quotable quotes. Not to mention her kilometric knowledge of particular decisions or least used statutes to prop up her stance. And, of course, thanks to the recent impeachment trial, she has added a new moniker: as a good friend said it best "ayan, kamukha nya nanaman si Marge Simpson!" (she is looking like Marge Simpson again) when she gets into her "moods".

(2) There will be no objections. From anyone.

Remember when people she disliked would be given a tongue lashing? Not even the Ombudsman was spared. Should the title of this post come to pass and you were gutsy enough to raise any kind of "I would like to state an objection", you would be supremely rebuffed with "HOW DARE YOU DEBATE WITH THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THIS COUNTRY!!!" I'm not sure how long her ego - or blood vessels - will be able to contain the pride of knowing that her very words would be how this country interprets its laws.

(3) Law students will be saddled with an additional four years of studying.

When Miriam makes a decision, it will take the court reader three days to finish announcing it. Each of her decisions will outweigh the combined opinions of the other SC Justices in terms of length. Assuming that Miriam re-hires Midas to be the court spokesperson, no one would ever make the mistake of hinting him to be "questionable". At 50, Midas will begin to look like an octogenarian, basking in the ultraviolet verbiage from the most verbose Chief Justice ever to sit in our Supreme Court. Midas also begins to advertise for memory capsules and nerve stimulators, seeing as both of those will be atrophied from severe use.

(4) Everyone who appears before the Supreme Court will observe "particular" decorum.

There will be no "provocative looks" from either lawyers or anyone else, lest she summon a page to take the offending party out to scrape out your facial features to prevent it from happening again.

She may call you "Mushroom Face!", "Cretinous Vermin!", "Gene Pool Disgrace!" and so much more, but you are not allowed to show or register any emotion or facial expression. You are, however, encouraged to contribute to the "Miriam Lexicon Fund".

All ears must be taped from the top part of the ear to the mid-lateral portion of your cranium to prevent any actions of "covering your ears". As well, hands will be cuffed to your chairs to prevent any action to do the same.

Shoes will be clamped on the floor, and soles of the socks will be applied with Extra Strong Mightiest Glue, to prevent any form of walkout from a court session.

Once everyone is inside the Court, a firing squad is stationed at each exit to shoot anyone who dares to leave the court without the express permission of Miriam, duly authenticated by the Court Secretary.

Located OUTSIDE the actual court.

(5) She can overturn any and all of her own decisions because of one caveat.

Suppose that Miriam decides to take back all the lands she gave out to farmers under a land reform program.

Suppose that after freeing an innocent man incarcerated wrongly for a crime he didn't commit, she orders authorities to take him back in, this time for the electric chair.

Suppose that she reprimands "demolition" squads who "take out" shanties and slum dwellers, then calls them back to continue taking out other "squatters".

Suppose any other number of actions she has decided on "with finality" is inexplicably reversed.

Any appeals for the new decision will follow a new procedure:
- file an appeal, duly notarized and authenticated
- wait for your case to be called
- listen to "Best of Miriam Jokes" while waiting in Court
- all parties will be led to an audio-video screening room
- Miriam appears onscreen with these words: "I LIED!!!!!!!"
- to make another appeal, go back to step one

(6) If you find it, you're free and clear.

As long as you are able to point out the exact provision, law or legal precept that protects you, your decision and your action, Miriam will champion your cause.

Say you wish to exterminate the entire LGBT community. Say you are "offended" because LGBT people are guilty of "offending (your particular) religious feelings". And that your religion calls for the death of these "infidels". Just cite the particular provision, and Miriam will give a court order authorizing you (or your duly appointed representatives) the power to massacre an entire class of people. After all, it's provided for by law.

Rapists can now have their victims incarcerated for "slander" and destroying their reputation!

Murderers can sue the families of their victims for "moral damages": I didn't kill 547 people, I only butchered 523, how dare they claim that bloated figure!

Stall renters can now sue malls whenever they get a notice for their rental dues, as these mall adminstrators are guilty of "harassment"!

Welcome to the wonderful Court of Miriam, where law is "Supreme".

Notes On The Gaga Protest

The anti-Christ is supposed to be cute and cuddly?

(Courtesy of fashionisstupid.com)

(1) Are you aware that the Philippines is a democratic country?
   
     - Yes, they drilled that to us in Social Studies. And I vote, so, yes.
     - No. Only on paper. In reality, we are a theocracy. Sssh.
     - YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN?!? YOU MUST BE BURNED!!!

These must be the strings of hell?

(Courtesy of diyfashion.about.com)

(2) People are free to choose their religion in the Philippines. Agree?


     - Yes. It's part of democracy. Also the reason we have action stars for senators.
     - No. If you're not Christian, you have to convert. If you don't, your civil rights will be revoked.
     - THERE IS NO DISCUSSION!!! YOU WILL BE PUT TO DEATH, UNBELIEVER!!!

The look that makes people satanic?

(Courtesy of musictitans.com)

(3) How has Lady Gaga affected your life?


     - I don't like her music. But that also means I don't give her money. Or attention.
     - Those costumes, that hair, those dancers...abnormal. She must be mental.
     - SHE IS THE DEVIL'S LOVE CHILD WITH THE HARLOT!!! DEATH!!!!!!

You still think she's innocent?

(Courtesy of diyfashion.about.com)

(4) If you could say one thing to Lady Gaga...
     
     - It's cool that you lobby against bullying. I don't have to download your tunes, do I?
     - Do you know that membership in our fellowship is only 1,000 pesos a month?
     - CHILD OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!! YOU ARE EVIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!

She killed animals for her clothes!?!

(Courtesy of parentdish.com)

(5) What is your reason for wanting to ban her from performing here?


     - I don't. I told you, I don't care for her music. I like the Kermit costume though.
     - Years of guidance/indoctrination will be undone with one song of hers! Hello!
     - WE WILL STAB YOU WITH THORNS BEFORE YOU STEP ON OUR SOIL!!!

Foreign manananggal?

(Courtesy of jennyhow.com)

(6) Are you saying that she has more influence than your deity...she's more powerful?


     - Kulit ha. (So repetitive.)
     - It's a slippery slope. One song, OK. Two songs, danger. The whole album, my child is a satanist!
     - WE BACKMASKED YOUR DIGITAL FILES!!!!! YOU FILTHY DEMON!!!!!!!!

Need we say more?

(Courtesy of idolator.com)

(7) How does she compare with Madonna?


     - She has some catching up to do with Madge. But she's racking up points. I'm not interested ha.
     - They dress in almost nothing, therefore they must have been sexually active at 9 onwards.
     - FIE! YOU DARE SAY THAT OTHER NAME!!!! WE WILL TEAR YOU APART!!!!!

The princess of the underworld?

(Courtesy of izismile.com)

(8) How does she offend your religion?


     - How can something I don't pay attention to bother me? Duh.
     - She isn't Christian. Everyone should be. That is true freedom, when no one has a choice.
     - JUDAS' CONSORT!!! DESPICABLE HOMOSEXUAL ENABLER!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!

This is what she will wear in the underworld?

(Courtesy of wihu.net)

(9) Isn't what you're doing an infringement of the rights of others who don't share your beliefs?


     - Obviously. You do know I read books, yes?
     - No. God's law is supreme...Free Will? No, I don't believe that. Only God's will.
     - YOUR FORKED TONGUE IS HONEY ON A RAZOR!!!! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!!!!

The scepter is the proof?

(Courtesy of starpulse.com)

(10) If your deity is all-powerful, wouldn't it be simpler to zap Gaga into smithereens?


       - Which deity? There are thousands.
       - It is according to his plan. We filed a case, all part of his plan. We march, part of his plan.
       - YOU DISGUSTING UNBELIEVER!!! DE CROSS!!!! DE CROSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Evil has to bathe?

(Courtesy of digitaljournal.com)

Moving On, Andi Eigenmann Style

I guess we have to redefine "moving on" from now on.

(Courtesy of vazed.net)

(1) Declare to everyone - especially on showbiz programs - that you are severing ties with the supposed father of your love child.

(2) Make more public declarations of how your child is now the center of your world/universe. (I actually chanced upon this interview of hers while flipping channels in the recent past.)

(3) Go to a "hip" bar, because nothing says you are a concerned mom of an infant than going to a bar. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic. In other words, I'm being me.)

(4) Upon seeing your ex in the same bar - and remember, you said that you have "moved on" - throw a glass of wine on his face. That ought to show him that you've really put this all behind him. (There is, of course, the matter of men beating up on alleged father of her child, Albie Casino, and her supposed involvement as claimed by Albie's mom. Let's wait for the police report. Or court case.)

(5) In other news, the Claudine-Raymart-Ramon bout has eclipsed this episode in local entertainment. And believe me, that match-up is really entertaining.


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You may wish to see the following news articles:

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/05/07/12/albie-denies-provoking-andi

http://entertainment.inquirer.net/39191/andi-eigenmanns-ma-comes-to-her-defense-in-beating-of-ex-beau

"Same, Same!"

I first heard this expression in Singapore, an offshoot of their so-called Singlish (Singaporean English), and it meant to convey that there was no difference between two or more topics or subjects under discussion.

It certainly came to mind after I heard a piece of disturbing news, courtesy of a recent survey conducted by Pulse Asia, regarding "senatoriables" - or people who were most likely to win if an election for senators were held at a given time.

(Courtesy of ph.omg.yahoo.com)

(Courtesy of sweetslyrics.com)

"Queen Of All Media" Kris Aquino as well as incorrigible TV host Willie Revillame are included in the Top 20 list of Most Likely To Win For Senator, in a survey conducted just this February 26 to March 9, 2012 by the survey firm.

(See complete list here: http://pulseasia.com.ph/pulseasia/story.asp?ID=749)

The world of politics and showbiz/entertainment: Same, Same!

I'll be honest - and I know many of my friends will hate me for verbalizing this - but when I hear news like this, it makes me doubt that we are meant to have a democratic form of government.

We keep coming up with the same scenario, over and over again.

It seems like our politicians are stuck to their positions with Super Glue. In this list, the names of Legarda, Escudero and Roxas dominated the top 3 spots, 2 of whom are current senators, one ran for Vice President, also a former senator who is currently a cabinet secretary.

The only additions I have seen since my teenage years are the showbiz personalities who now see politics as a "viable alernative" to where they originally started: We have, of course, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, who reached the top post of President. His best friend, Fernando Poe, Jr. could have been another President were it not for our "Hello, Garci!" 2004 winner, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who, likewise, is now a legislator - and one who owed a substantial part of her then popularity as a budding senator to a supposed physical resemblance to local legend Nora Aunor. (Vocally, they are universes apart.)

What is it about these two worlds that keep them in direct collision - and collusion - with each other?

It would be helpful to see what traits and qualities can be observed that cause them both to have the same zip code in the same neighborhood, or, we can say it altogether now, Same! Same!

(1) Let's get the obvious out of the way: both are popularity contests.

Just take a look at the survey results in the Pulse Asia link: A former broadcaster turned senator tops the list, Sec. Roxas is married to broadcaster Korina Sanchez and also appropriated the name Mister Palengke (Mr. Public Market), Kris Aquino and Willie Revillame need no introduction whatsoever, and media-genic politicians like the mahinahon (not burly) ways of Sen. Escudero, these are the ones most likely to have name recall and recognition.

Former President Estrada trounced then Speaker de Venecia, and we all know his masa fan base. (To be fair, Estrada rose up the ranks from the local city government, until senator, then Vice President before becoming President. He at least has the right to say he underwent many years of government service beore seeking the top spot.)

Current President Noynoy Aquino has the political pedigree behind him, even though he has neither the ferocity of his father nor the easy charm of his mother. And while opponents have trotted his practically non existent legislative record, his name recall, coupled with the fact of his mother's passing, have definite contributions to his election. I certainly support the President's drive against corruption - as if that needed further announcement, haha - but I seriously don't think he would have a chance of being President without the legacy of his parents.

Revilla. Bautista. Paulate. Santos. Sotto. Just a few names from showbiz that have parlayed their fame into political gold. Whether or not they are of actual public service isn't the point I'm focusing on, but the fact that they have the advantage of popularity before entering politics makes me want to ask them: would you seriously have given thought to entering politics if you weren't popular?

Showbiz doesn't need an explanation for the popularity concept, does it? It's very life revolves around fame, the moment you're laos (old news), the studios kick you out giving way to new blood.

Let's face it: If you're a bloody fantastic manager or public servant, but no one knows your name, you don't stand a chance in Philippine politics. The same rule is true in showbiz.

(2) Actual "talent" not required. You can learn on the job. Wink, wink.

Running a government department, crafting laws, taking social science courses or more legal education...they're only good on paper. In reality, many of our elected officials have none of these "talents", seeing as some of them are actor/singers/news readers, or just children of entrenched politicians ensuring their political fame - and future - from the start of the race. And if people ask for serious qualifications? They can just reply "it's our right to run, all it says under the law is that we have to be Filipino!"

Same banana in showbiz: You can't sing? Well, you're famous, and an okay actress, so yes, let's cut you a record deal! We have to translate that fame into music gold! (And the gold here is purely monetary, and says nothing about the music quality or vocal prowess, neither of which are present.) Or a hunky young nobody who can't act to save his life, but hey, he likes taking his shirt off at every chance, so let him star in a movie with top billing! And be sure to have shots of him in a barely-there bikini for the promotional materials!

More observations on the similarities between the political and showbiz worlds in the next post.

The Trial's Most Important Question

You may think that it's all about moral fitness, rule of law, ethical considerations and technicalities. But yesterday, Rep. Tiangco, Corona's defense team's 1st witness, helped us see a matter of utmost importance.

Whose hairstyle ranks better?

Rep. Quimbo of the prosecution?

Or Rep. Tiangco's?

(Both photos from GMA News TV)

You may see various reactions from this question at Rappler, aptly titled Mane Attraction. References to anime, K-Pop (Korean Pop), and just-got-out-of-bed style figure into the mix. One thing's for sure, when things get too tense for words, we really know where to focus in order to ease any discomfort or stress.

(See: http://www.rappler.com/nation/special-coverage/corona-trial/2369-mane-attraction-tiangco-vs-quimbo)

I have to say, both their hairstyles go against my notion of what our lawmakers look like, which is unflattering at best.

An attempt to change our perception of them? Not likely to alter that soon or fast, but the mane thing is that they get the ball rolling.

The Belo Irony

If you want to take a break from the seriousness of the impeachment trial hearings, nothing can be more effective in achieving that goal than the utter ludicrousness of local entertainment news.

Case in point: Dr. Vicky Belo. (And her inclusion as "entertainment news" really says much, much more than can ever be articulated by words.)

(Photo courtesy of celebritypulp.com)

After her much publicized breakup with fiancee, Hayden Kho, she supposedly left the country before Valentine's Day to "heal her broken heart", and has recently arrived in Manila, amid rumors that she is seeing Mr. Aly Borromeo of the Philippine Azkals.

(See news video here: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/video/entertainment/02/20/12/vicki-belo-back-manila)

When your romantic dalliances gain more traction than your actual work, you can congratulate yourself: you are a celebrity. And I don't mean "you are a celebrated person", but rather, like the often disparaging remark about Carmen Electra, who's famous for being famous, and not for actual work.

One can argue that the doctor has used her status as "celebrity" to further her practice, as evidenced by her opening clinics left and right. Fair enough. By all accounts, she works hard in her actual job.

But for her to decry about "privacy" is the height of irony, as she literally earns and makes a living out of her "celebrity". That is part of the deal: you get "celebrity power", your life, even the personal aspect, gets raked over. It might be a "deal with the devil", so to speak, but that IS the deal when you offer yourself up willingly for public scrutiny.

Besides, she arrived in a wheelchair, head and body covered by either a jacket or a blanket (just check the video in the link, it's all there), then stands up to give an interview when reporters are around, pleading for time to heal in privacy.

Ano ba talaga, Dr. Belo?

Parody. More Fun In The Philippines.

Something we can rightfully claim, we certainly know how to have fun and make fun of ourselves. I've heard criticisms that we focus too much on the fun that we don't mind the suffering, and I view it as a chicken-and-egg situation: Do we make fun of ourselves because all we've known is hardship, or are we in dire straits because we're just too enamored with fun?

(I still maintain that humor and using it to our advantage is an excellent coping mechanism.)

With the just released DOT slogan to attract more visitors, it was inevitable that we would also have fun - and poke fun - with it. I scoured cyberspace to see a few of the more memorable parodies of the "It's More Fun In The Philippines" campaign. (I'm certain more will be coming up in the future.)

One thing that was highlighted viewing these interpretations that I love about the Philippines: Free speech.

(Photo courtesy of George Tapan/itsmorefuninthephilippines.com)

I've always loved the visual feast of the rice terraces, aside from the fact that they are functional, they're a treat to look at. And it always blows my mind that this is all hand made.

(Photo courtesy of George Tapan/itsmorefuninthephilippines.com)

When I heard that there was a parody about commuting being "more fun" here, I thought it was a gag or prank initially.

(Photo courtesy of George Tapan/itsmorefuninthephilippines.com)

Whimsical, and certainly seems to embody the word fun.

(Photo courtesy of weddingsatwork.com)

Two words came to mind seeing this, "game sila!"

(Photo courtesy of abuggedlife.com)

I'm still not sure what the "face" is made of, but it's certainly interesting.

(Photo courtesy of abuggedlife.com)

Looked like an ode to Finding Nemo, and a nod to our rich marine life. Let's make sure future generations can see this in person and not only thorough books.

(Photo courtesy of abuggedlife.com)

I'm not sure where this building is (or what the name is, even) but it certainly beats a face filled with Botox.

(Photo courtesy of wheresparetimegoestodie.tumblr.com)

Star Wars fans, the force is with...balloon.


The next two photos are from Tim Ramos/iamstorm.com.

I think I was more impressed with the anagram that Tim Ramos made for his website using his name. Coolness.

(Photo courtesy of thebullrunner.com)

I wished the font used was a little smaller, but the participants certainly look like they're having fun. And colorful, too.

(Photo courtesy of deneb.tumblr.com)

Really laughed at this one, and so far, my favorite parody because of two things: lechon tastes great and I don't get planking/I think it's idiotic.

Here's to more parodies.

And here's hoping the new DOT campaign really takes off.

2011, The Year In Poem.

Spin, my poor head does,
In writing what I must,
Events that have passed this year,
As the end of it draws near.

A penis on a deity,
Reactions were anything but dainty,
Hell's fury wrought on Cruz,
As an artist, he did not lose.

Supsup was named a hero,
For winning a tilt so shallow,
To be judged solely on one's shell,
This is, indeed, fresh hell.

Enrile, Cayetano and Sotto,
With their mantras and singular motto,
Supplicants to the Catholic fraternity,
The RH Bill, they deemed unnecessary.

With lies, fear and religiosity,
They thwarted our path to democracy,
Where everyone has the right to plan,
Their family to the last wo/man.

Pacquiao was once again victorious,
Though the manner was anything but unanimous,
A pugilist, a lawmaker and a singer,
The list goes on, we shudder.

And this country, whose faith is "strong",
Whose norm is the corrupt and wrong,
Was brutalized by Nature's Song,
A hurricane by the name of Sendong.

The blame game is once again in season,
While the ones who lost their reason,
For living, struggling and loving,
Must cope with the deaths surrounding.

Who can forget the little lady,
Who would have loathed to be in solitary,
Demanding a suite for incarceration,
In the guise of a "medical condition".

This country has come full circle,
A horrific past is a mere hurdle,
When the Marcoses are back in power.
This generation, none the wiser.

So as the year comes to a close,
And we cheer the same variety shows,
It pains me to say with shame,
2012 will be more of the same.

(Photo courtesy of freechristmaswallpapers.net)

"Is He?"

That question was posed to me by someone who saw that short clip of Atty. Midas Marquez that has been circulating in Facebook recently, and if memory serves me right, there were (as of last count) more than 20 people who have shared that video as well on their own Walls.

(Photo courtesy of philstar.com)

The completion of that question, of course, is "Is He Gay?"

I wouldn't know. I don't know him. And it's none of my business.

What I find odd is how quickly this video shifted the public's focus on him as a spokesperson of the Supreme Court into the alleged poster boy for the "atengs". (Approximated by the slang "sistahs".)

Here is the video that sparked the wagging tongues (courtesy of youtube.com).

Suddenly, everyone has to know if he's gay.

Which brings me to the point that has always struck me as illogical and unscientific, but in the minds of most people (not just Filipinos), serves as "definite proof" that a man is gay.

One's actions/mannerisms are supposed to "betray" your true sexual orientation. "Common knowledge" dictates that if you qualify for any of the items below, you must "be one."

He eats his salad with a knife and fork. Gay.

Uses an umbrella walking to work. No doubt there.

Listens to jazz, and specifically female jazz singers. Gayville.

Talks softly, and places hands on hips. Gay as Lady Di.

All the while, we are conveniently forgetting one salient - obviously not to the majority - fact: actions and mannerisms are culturally determined and subsequently labeled as "masculine" and "feminine". (This is such a throwback to the social science courses I had in college.) And the underlying truth that everyone just denies outright is that, from a scientific perspective, there is no truth whatsoever for one's mannerisms serving to determine one's sexual orientation.

The ONLY thing that matters, where this topic is concerned, is "to which sex are you sexually attracted to?" And for all intents and purposes, Atty. Marquez has publicly shown himself to be married - to a woman - and having children, which, in the same cultural context in which he is thought of now as being gay, would make him as straight as a ruler.

My friend persisted, "But what if he really is?"

If he is gay, he shouldn't be forced to come out. I am not a fan of forcible outings, the reasons for which are varied. No one should ever be forced to do things they aren't ready for, certainly not one which has the potential for untold and horrible repercussions, something that straight people will never have to ponder because no such fate await those who are indubitably heterosexual.

I told my friend that it is a moot discussion, as only Marquez himself knows himself to answer that question. Everyone one else is ridiculing him for something that we all, at turns, have done in our own lives: acted contrary to what we have been expected to. It is this weight of cultural expectation that I find utterly fascinating because even at the expense of personal freedom, most of us would rather succumb to "what they want" rather than to celebrate our individuality.

No wonder the word "sheep" has always been thrown around in this context.

Oh, and speaking of science, here's an article you may find very interesting: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-big-questions/201106/homophobic-men-most-aroused-gay-male-porn

Even though the title is self-explanatory, here's the Cliff Notes version: If you're homophobic, chances are, you're gay yourself. Well, the one part of you that is aroused says that, even if you verbally lie.

Uh oh.

Another "What The ----?" Phone Call

A couple of weeks ago, Arthur was out for work way past the usual time, and seeing as how I don't cook, I thought it would be a great time to "be lazy" and just call a food delivery service.

I got out our "menu" of delivery services: we place all the menus and flyers in a single clear folder, making all those leaflets into one "giant" menu. I got to thinking about the time (almost 9PM), and wailed at the fact that this seriously cut down on my options, since there aren't that many stores that deliver or are open 24 hours.

The ever reliable options I had were the Big 2: Jollibee and McDonald's. I decide to skip them in favor of a delivery service we barely use. (Side note: Whenever Arthur and I arrive from abroad, we have a long standing tradition of making pa-deliver from Jollibee, it seems to give us the stamp that "we're finally home!".)

After rounding down the list to either Wendy's, KFC and Sinangag Express, I made the final decision based on proximity of location, which would have to be KFC. If I was going to be lazy, I decided to go "all the way" - by the way, please don't give me lectures on how I need to "stop being lazy" or anything in that vein, there are days when you just want to do nothing and this was one of those.

(Photo courtesy of eyp.ph)


Also, KFC had nostalgia appeal to me: as a youngster, whenever all of the maternal cousins would meet for either pool time or a beach outing, there always seemed to be a bucket of KFC with those gatherings - and the usual scramble for the drumstick.

I dialed their hotline.

"Good evening, Sir, thank you for calling KFC...how can I help you?" says the male operator, who I think just underwent "American Twang" lessons at a call center.

"I'd like to order for delivery."

"Very good, Sir. May I have you name?"

I gave him my full name.

"Sir, let me check if you have an existing record with us..."

"I don't think so, I don't recall having ordered from you for delivery since you are very close to our place. We would normally just walk over there."

"I see, sir. OK, Sir Joey, may I have your complete address?"

I gave him my complete address.

Upon hearing my address, the operator goes, "Sir, do you have any outstanding landmarks for our rider's information? There are many buildings in the area with approximately the same name."

I gave him the pertinent landmarks so the driver wouldn't get lost.

"Sir, can I have your phone number for confirmation purposes?"

I also gave it to him.

"Sir, please make sure that this is a direct line and not a trunkline."

I told him that this was a residential number so he didn't have to worry about it.

"Sir, let me leave you for a moment while I enter this information in our files."

There was the usual "phone music" that played, the one that seemed to be connected to a demented music box from a bad horror flick. After almost a minute, the operator returned.

"Thank you for waiting, sir. May I now take your order?"

I told him what I wanted. He then said, "Sir, let me check for the availablity and so I can process the order already."

I waited for almost half a minute before he went back on the line.

"Thank you for waiting, Sir. I have processed your data for our files. (I hear some papers ruffling.) Sir, I regret to inform you that we no longer deliver at this time."

Silence. I am again dumbfounded.

"Wait, wait, wait...you asked me all of those questions...for nothing? I mean, you knew when I called that I wanted to have something delivered, right? Aren't you aware of your own delivery times?"

"Thank you for that, Sir. Sir, we have a strict protocol on what to do when taking calls or orders. (I hear the papers again. I'm guessing it's his "script".) We have to take in all the information first before we can begin processing orders."

"Kaya nga, hijo. We didn't have to do the entire bio-data thing, since you don't deliver anmore at this time. The moment I said I wanted something delivered, you should have advised me that the service was no longer available and that I should call the following day, right?"

"Uhm, sir...let me check..." (I hear those infernal papers once again.)

I hung up.

I then proceed to go down our building and got a nice, hot siopao (meat-filled bun) from the convenience store about 2 buildings away from us.

My Adventure With the Phone Calls from Zombie Operators continues.

From Now On, I Am Known As Nona

Maybe I should explain.

I was getting through the usual pleasantries before a family dinner tonight - taking a shower, shaving, cutting my nails, the works - when the phone rings. Persistently. (I usually give it 3 rings before I say that a caller is persistent.) Jolted by the thought that the ringing won't stop until I go out the front door, I decide that the less painful option would be to answer it and get rid of the call quickly.

"Hi, Sir." A pleasant female voice, at least.

"Yes?"

"Sir, may I know if this is Mr. Ramirez?"

(My mind raced: If I prolong the conversation, I would be hopelessly late for the family dinner - a big no-no. When you're late, everyone never lets you forget through dinner that you held them up. If I was curt, I would come off as rude, and I didn't want that for her, she sounded like a nice person just doing her job. So I did the cop-out: I made a fib.)

"Wala sya dito. Sino to?" ("He's not here, who is this?")

"This is ___________ (name of agent), from PLDT, sir. Sir, are you related to Mr. Ramirez?"

"Urr...no. No relation."

"Sir, I just wanted to let you know of a promotion we have. Does Mr. Ramirez have an SM Advantage Card?"

"I don't know. Teka. (Wait up.) I thought you said this is PLDT?"

"Yes, sir. May tie-up kasi ang PLDT with SM Advantage Card, you can earn points..."

"Miss, I'm sorry, I have to cut this short, I'm late as it is, can you call back when Mr. Ramirez is here?"

"Oh. (She sounds dejected.) May I know who this is please and what relation you are to Mr. Ramirez?"

"No relation. I really have to go..."

"Sir, can I just have your name?"

"No na."

She pauses briefly, in which time I assume she was writing down any pertinent information from the call she was making.

"OK, sir...Mr. Nona. Did I get that correct?"

I was stunned for a second, until it hit me, what just happened.

"No, no, no...I mean, No. (I pause briefly.) Na."

"Ok, sir No-na. (She imitates my deliberate spacing between the two syllables.) So your first name is No and your last name is Na, right, sir?"

"WHAT?!? What kind of person would name their children No? I meant no, huwag nalang."

"I understand, sir, but I just need to confirm which is your first and last name."

I hung up.

I figured, I should have just let the darned phone ring. It would have been a less painful experience.

Why does the universe persist in giving me these types of phone calls?